Dress Up George Bush

Let's get weird with the candidates

With summer ending, it is once again time for the nation to start remembering that Iowa exists even when our rivers aren’t swamping our cornfields, VFWs, and tractor pulls.

That’s right — it’s caucus time! Like the Olympics, it has already been four years, and there’s something you have to pay attention to even though we’d all really rather talk about Ronnie finally jacking Mike on “The ’Shore” last night.

Except this year’s isn’t the usual crop of six or seven Evan Bayhs (who?) and one or two slightly less-boring dudes who actually have a chance. No sir, this year we’ve got some downright fascinating characters.

You see, our grandparents seem to think our current president is going around replacing every Norman Rockwell painting with Maoist posters of tractors or something, so they decided to take the opportunity to freak the F out. This has allowed the current Republican field to become flat-out nutty.

That’s where we come in. We have tons of creative, interesting people with too much time on their hands here in Iowa City. If folks are going to be going around the state proclaiming the laws of physics, biology, and economics null and void, we have to get in on this shit.

Folks, there’s no way around it; we have an obligation to ourselves to get weird on these mofos. One of the best moments of the 2007-08 caucus cycle was UI Associate Professor Kembrew McLeod dressing up like a robot and demanding Bill Clinton apologize to Sista Souljah.

Here are a few ideas to start:

• Gov. Rick Perry, who seems to have decided to take whatever George W. Bush was smoking and inject it into his femoral artery every morning, very well may have allowed an innocent man named Cameron Todd Willingham to be executed and then fired most of the subsequent investigation panel right before it could announce its findings. We need to get a dozen people in Cameron Todd Willingham masks and T-shirts saying things like, “We’ll just have to agree to disagree” and “I think I looked guilty, too” to show up at a Perry rally.

Perry Doesn't Sound like a TV News Anchor. Man, He Must Be ...

We broke it here, first . If you’ll remember, I wrote an early piece on the unique challenges Governor Perry must overcome in order to be President in this country. Over the following days just about everything mentioned came to pass . Believe it or not, a major Canadian news outlet – yes all the way up in Canada – contacted me over its content. I shared with them the ugliness and overt disdain Conservatives and Southern Conservatives must contend and overcome, especially in the arena of politics. It was so interesting to them they want to do a follow-up. I am more than happy to enlighten them. I could have continuously written on that subject but there is always more than one egg to fry in Obamaland. Secondly, the opportunities will present themselves. It’s almost predictable as to how the liberal media will behave.

However, the fact such open hostility by liberals towards Perry is so obvious; and, two, it’s totally acceptable as to be actually news worthy should be self evident of their bigotry. The Bush era gave the cultural elites considerable heartburn and there is no way possible for them to stomach Perry – considered Bush-lite. So how are they voicing their opposition to Governor Perry? It certainly isn’t his policies or record as governor of Texas. Of course those who are bold enough to go after Perry’s actual record, their complaint is he wasn’t imaginative enough from a legislative and government perspective. You know, because evidently government creates jobs.

No, Perry’s biggest sin is that he drops his “g’s.” He speaks with that nails-on-a-chalkboard Southern-Texan accent. I bet the big rube replaces his “s’s” with “z’s.” “ Boy howdy, I declare this here chicken sure his greazy